facebook statuses

Now that I’ve friended my nephew on FB, I find myself a bit constrained.  There are so many FB statuses that I could have posted but couldn’t because I’m an adult.  Its a pisser, yo.

Tonight, Teh Smitten – after having been locked in the house with me except for a short excursion yesterday or to shovel – gets this devlish look on his face tonight, pulls up his t-shirt, licks his finger, and dips it lasciviously in his belly button.  Thus, “belly buttons are the new nipples”.  Now wouldn’t that have been an awesome FB status? Except I can’t say ‘nipples’ knowing that my 10 year old nephew may see it while he is hanging out in Petville or Fishville.  Not to mention an elderly relative and numerous self-righteous family members/sorority sisters.  And people from work.  Gah.  People are RUINING facebook.

I’m thinking it might be time to renew the blogging.  I’ve spent the last few days in pj’s like some filthy blogger and I think I kind of miss it.  Nobody reads it anyway; at least nobody that I don’t care about offending.

where the hell have i been?

Life just keeps happening, faster and faster.  Well, kind of faster.  For example, each week of June seemed painfully long but when I got to July 1, I couldn’t figure out where the month had gone.  I started a leadership program that keeps me busy and has a more interesting reading list than I had anticipated.  Work is good, but I’m a little burned out.  The bosses have promoted me to a 15 and I start a 60 day detail with another part of the department in August.  This week will be my last in the office until October 5th as I have leadership training in Norfolk the 19th through the 24th and have to conduct a meeting in Grand Forks, ND from the 27th through the 30th.  I’m not stressing yet so I’m either incredibly prepared or in utter denial.  Oh, and Teh Smitten and I bought our tickets to Europe.  We’re going over the Thanksgiving holiday (oh yeah, I return from Kansas City on a Friday and immediate fly out of the country the next day which is INSANE), flying into Barcelona and out of Toulouse.  So, in the midst of leaning leadership skills, upping the professional ante and trip planning, things are busy.  Getting cable in June does not help me focus.  I have cable-related ADD and cannot manage to watch most programs to their end, preferring to flip channels constantly.

In the interest of my sanity and health, I decided not to attend my 20th HS class reuinion.  It looks like it was fun, but I figure I’ve got FB to keep up with folks, and maybe I’ll make it to the 25th or 30th.  People should have mellowed out even more by then, right?  And gained weight?  I really don’t need to be the one classmate where everyone is like, “oooohhhh, she used to be so pretty.“

Radio silence will probably continue until sometime in August.

14 days till we leave for vacation

Vacation is 14 days away and I have printed out all our confirmations and itinerary and started a packing list.  We have a lot going on these next two weekends so I’m trying to get a jump on things.

It looks like my sister is VERY close to taking a good offer to work for a hospital in Miami.  This means the whole family – sister, brother in law, nephew, niece, and my parents could be headed South in a matter of months.  While the pay represents quite a raise, there’s no doubt that they’ll be getting far less house for their money.  They now have about 3800 sq ft. and a backyard that looks out into a treed common area – think they got it for about $420K.  Its lovely.  They’d have to downsize a bit – they wouldnt have a basement in Miami, necessarily, and they’re going to have to shell out for serious hurricane insurance and preparations.  I’ve sent out messages to all friends or colleagues who have the remotest connection to the area to get an idea about good places to raise children or good public schools…  And I’m thinking about how fun it will be to go to Miami for Christmas.  On the other hand, it will be tougher to get back to MO to see family – many of them aging and not in good heath.  I know this must makes my mom a little sad.  I should start a little fund for airline tickets for her and my dad.

The diet sucks.  I’ve moved onto level 2 now, so at least I can have oatmeal tomorrow.  You have no idea how necessary fiber is to happiness.  Not just pooping.  This next phase also means I can drink moderately, so I had a couple drams of the Glenmorangie Lasanta that The Brooklyn Freckler gave me for my birthday.  It is just so lovely.  Ah, Teh Smitten keeps reaching out and gently pulling on the little hairs at the nape of my neck which is just so heavenly!

Tomorrow we’re headed upstairs to join my landlords for a fundraiser for Obama.  I’ve given $50 so far, and might have to do a bit more…  Election is 42 days away?  Also, I heard today that any of you Dem’s who have maxed our your contributions to Obama should start making them to Bob Barr if you really want to fuck up the Republican vote.

my willpower is crap

Dieting essentially requires one to stop being social.  It is awfully hard to have a social life or travel for business and diet successfully.  As you may have guessed, I blew it this weekend.

Went out with Shards and her husband on Friday and had a gazillion cocktails.  They are headed to Israel for a couple years, which makes me sad that I haven’t been to Boston sooner to hang out with the entire Boston crowd.  We met the awesome bartender at Central (Justin Guthrie) that keeps making the news and now we really want to try and get into the speakeasy that is by email invite only.  I sent the speakeasy folks an email and just need to pick a date – they are only “open” on Sundays and Mondays.  Shards says to go on Monday since nobody will suspect that we’re drunks on a Tuesday.  Or something like that.  I forget what she said exactly due to all the cocktails.  (2 pom margaritas at Rosa Mexicano, something with gin and St. Germaine in it at Poste, and a very cool black pepper infused lime soda Gin Rickey at Central.)

Yesterday I had to run up to NYC for a business meeting today, so went up early to spend time with friends.  The friend responsible for getting me into whisky recently did a little side work for Glenmorangie and brought me a wonderful early birthday present in the form of sherry cask Glenmorangie – it has been remarketed and named Lasanta.  I joined her (Brooklyn Freckler) and the Alabama Slama for an afternoon at Bloomingdales and dinner/scotch at the St. Andrews pub.  (I had a Strathisla and a Edradour.)

So, my reward for restarting the damned SB diet will be the Lasanta and a night at the speakeasy.  Zero days down; 14 to go.

And what a better way to start a diet than to talk about food?  A meme from VGT entitled the Omnivores  100, a la Shards – shockingly, I am picky about stuff like insects and head cheese.  Not that you’d ever know from the size of my ass.

Le instructions:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding [I've had the Spanish version]
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda [I need to try me some of this]
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects [not intentionally]
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more [hells to the yeah]
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin [but never again]
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin [as in clay?]
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis [vegetarian doesn't count]
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette [can't stand the odor]
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe [we have three different brands at home]
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare [does rabbit count?]
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab [yuck]
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake [I bet it tastes like chicken]

mini-break

I am in dire need of a vacation.  A real vacation where I go somewhere else and don’t think about work or have to do anything other than lift a tall cool glass of adult beverage (I’m an equal opportunity drinker) to my pale, parched lips.  This vacation could be as near as Dupont Circle or as far as somewhere on the Chesapeake, but I need it this weekend.  I need a patio, pool, poolside bar, and a cabana boy to fetch me and Teh Smitten frosty beverages.  I’m just having a hard time justifying the cost to go stay somewhere 15-45 minutes away from my messy apartment.  Even if that place does have a bonafide bathtub and poolside bar.  A decision will be made tomorrow.

Work is stressful.  It is prime hurricane season and we’re in the disaster business.  People are tense.  The contractor who is quitting and now on leave totally did not finish several crucial tasks that are now giving me acute heartburn.  My aunt is having open heart surgery tomorrow.  Her overall health has been delicate for a couple years so this may not go so well.  I am worried about my mom as a result – my aunt is her closest friend at this point.  To make things worse, it would be extremely difficult for me to get and take leave in case something happened; this upsets me.  My sinuses are at the worst since I’ve been using the Jala Neti Pot (sinus irrigation system – google it) and I’m worried I’m coming down with something now (hypochondria runs in the family).

Things that are good despite the above:  Teh Smitten, finding old friends on Facebook, this schadenfreude-ey new tv show called Wipe Out (seriously – laughing at that show has been a life saver).

post vacation let-down

i know I should be posting about the wonderful lunch we had at Boulevard while in San Francisco, or about the awesome lunch in Chinatown, or about our lodging in Carmel, but I just can’t. I’m beat. Work is madness and due to get madder before it gets better. Work will start improving in early August, when I bring on board a truly competent and talented person to help me on this project. My contract support seems to be on the decline and people in the federal government are restless and tense. This happens towards the end of presidential administrations – there’s a lot of bluster to be made at the end regarding accomplishments and successes. People are worried about their programs being sunsetted or where they’ll end up. I have no pretensions about this. While my current position is good, there’s no guarantee that the new leadership would keep me there. This is okay – change is good and provides opportunities.

In the meantime, I dream of the next vacation. Where shall I take Teh Smitten next?

four more days

I can’t believe its only Tuesday. Today seemed to last two entire days. Crap at work hit the proverbial fan: I have to move offices while I am on vacation – the lack of control over whether my stuff makes it to my new office across town is causing my heart to beat fast. Also, a project is cresting while I’m on vacation despite all efforts to avoid this. At least I have a great person backing me up on that one, but I fear that I will be spending absurd amounts of time on my blackberry and phone instead of enjoying Carmel, Big Sur and Santa Cruz next Monday through Wednesday. Boo! I had briefly hoped I might be able to leave the smackberry at home. No such luck. I am beginning to regret not taking more time off and slightly resent work for not really allowing me to take a real vacation. Things to raise with the bosses tomorrow…

My mom is great at mixing metaphors and names. Hence, “Facepage.” I think that’s pretty funny, but also fear that I will end up mixing it up like she does. On the Facebook front, I learned from this idiotic music application that I am woefully lacking in my Moby and Creed knowledge. I am also woefully not lacking in my Kelly Clarkson knowledge. Teh Smitten is embarrassed for me.

We leave on Saturday afternoon and I am beginning to panic about having the right vacation clothes. However, I understand they have malls in CA.

hell: now even fresher!

Every few years my lower back likes to give out.  Teh Smitten brought home some of those sticky Ben-Gay (go ahead and make your jokes, you infants) patches and stuck a couple on me.  Sexy!  I had to cancel seeing Carmencita tonight its so bad.  Ah, the indignities of age.

Adding to my overall feeling of swellness, I had to go and try my hand at being Nora Charles on Saturday night.  Netflix delivered After the Thin Man last week and we celebrated Friday by watching and drinking along, and then I tried it in public on Saturday at The Argonaut.  Incidentally, a young Jimmy Stewart is in that movie – had no idea.  Suffice to say, I cannot keep up with the amazing Nora.  Thirty-seven year olds should not do shots.  They should stick to one drink at a time.  They should have glasses of water for each alcoholic beverage.  They should sneak liters of water on the sly and just cheat to make people think they have livers of iron.

if firemen were in charge

I meant to post this commercial a while back – a very clever election year ad by Nextel. Normally, I don’t like being a shill (I’m not one of their customers anyway). Also, you’d think I’d have more respect for the institution of Congress having worked there for nearly six years. You’d be wrong. I’ve been in the executive branch now for six years and reckon that my esteem for the legislative branch went south about 5.5 years ago. Don’t hate on the civil servants, people. I’d say more, but would like to keep my job.

not funny ha-ha

Seven years of insomnia and a wicked pace of work has slowly been turning into anxiety.  Do. Not.  Want.

As related previously, the insomnia has gotten worse.  What I haven’t told you is that my pulse rate has gone up and stayed up.  During the work-week I am constantly on high-alert, nerve-wise.  My blood pressure is normal, but, as Teh Smitten puts it, I’ve got a bad case of hamster heart.   Either something is wrong physically or chemically, but I do know that sustained periods of high stress can result in continuous, chronic stress.  My sister is dealing with similar issues, so perhaps it runs in the family.

Last week I went back to the doctor to chat about my situation.  Blood was drawn.  Sleep aids were changed.  An anti-depressant that is supposed to help with anxiety was proffered.  Said anti-depressant can cause more anxiety or agitation.  Doesn’t that seem funny to you?  Well, it wasn’t so funny to me last Friday when I came damn close to a panic attack.  I’ve gotten used to mild anxiety but not full-on agitation.  It was pretty unpleasant. It took all weekend for me to return to normal.  More xanax, please.

At the same time, I’m also trying a holistic approach.  On Saturday I went for my first acupuncture appointment.  I can barely understand the acupuncturist, but he’s Chinese so he must know what he is doing.  Right? I nod and smile at him when he speaks, as he seems to expect it and I figure that no matter where he sticks those needles I’m bound to benefit.  The thing about acupuncture is that the effect is cumulative, so I will need to give it at least a month before seeing definite results.  I’m am going to go twice a week for the next four weeks to try and get myself back on track.  The first round was pretty interesting – I was in this tiny room with another person, separated only by a curtain.  Wasn’t used to that but read that it is common practice.  They put 15-20 needles in my back and two just below my ears first.  After about 15 minutes, they removed them and had me flip over.  Then they put four in my abdomen, three on each wrist, one on each knee, three or so on each foot/ankle, one between my eyes and one on the top of my head. I definitely felt relaxed right afterwards and did not bruise or mark.  Best part is that it didn’t hurt and I just bled a little from one spot.  Can’t wait till Wednesday!

Teh Smitten is being all heroic and gorgeous.  He has wondered, however, if I need a hobby.   I used to have a couple hobbies:  shopping and watching telenovelas.  Then I got a boyfriend and he was much more fun than either of those.  If anyone can teach me to cast on, I’d be glad to take up knitting, but a hobby would just be another thing that I might neglect and worry over.  I don’t keep up with allezoop as it is, books are lying unread, and I have a trip to CA to plan (for a friend’s wedding and vacation for Smitsy and me).

insomniac

My insomnia is back and in great form. After not having a decent nights sleep since Friday, the rest of my body decided to rebel. I’ve stayed home today to try and catch up on sleep and bring the rest of my systems into order. Why, why, why must my digestive system go offline when I haven’t slept? Must all be stress-related. Tomorrow I see the good doctor to see about getting back on track. If the full dose of Lunesta ain’t doing it then its time for a change. I’ve tried valerian teas, valerian capsules, those stupid bedtime teas, benadryl, nyquil, and a variety of other (perfectly legal, thank you) things. They don’t work. My problem is dual: getting to sleep and staying asleep. It just keeps getting worse. I’m wondering about acupuncture. If anyone knows any decent acupuncturists in DC, please let me know.

As you know, Teh Smitten and I are living in sin right here in my very wee apartment. Recently, he got a $100 ticket for parking in my nabe. Evidently, there’s a crew of DC ticket witches that fly between midnight and 6 am just to sort out the out-of-state tags and rustle up some revenue. Considering the fact that DC is looking at an unexpected $75M deficit due to declining sales tax revenue, the ticket witches are sure to be ramping up on these activities. Anyone partaking in iffy parking activities should be extra careful for the time being. We’ve got a stop-gap solution of sorts – Smitsy is driving my car for now, leaving his at his place in VA. I just hope the brakes hold till I get my tax refund. Poor Toonces has been also starting a little oddly – takes an extra second or two between turning the key in the ignition and starting up. I hope it isn’t serious, maybe just a matter of putting better gas in her.

Now for the funny (for those of you who haven’t seen it before – I understand that I am quite behind the funny curve on a regular basis) – a three year old explains Star Wars.

request to convene a karma/prayer/best-wishes circle

Its been nearly 11 years since we first found out about my dad’s lymphoma. He’s been in remission now for about 3 or 4 years, which is a pretty good run. Lymphoma is a highly treatable form of cancer. However, he’s had this awful cough (he had walking pneumonia – very resistant to antibiotics) for a couple months now, and the doctor had him in for a CAT scan last week. The scan indicated something in the lungs – inconclusive but odd enough to warrant something they call a PET scan. He had that today and now we’re sitting tight waiting for the results.

I’m worried. Hopefully its just residual pneumonia. That would be the best-case scenario. Worst-case is that the cancer back, and that it isn’t just lymphoma anymore (having something turn up in the lungs indicates its no longer just lymphoma). Looks like my tax refund will be spent on several airline tickets home this year.

Also, I have a friend out there who is really hurting right now. If you have extra good karma, please send it towards either MO (towards my dad) or NC (towards my friend). If the Ritalin Poster Child is reading, you’re in my thoughts, sweetie. Hang in there. And know that I am wishing a lifetime sentence of shriveled and shrinking penis on that man. With no chance of parole.

Oh hell, forgive me for this…  If anyone knows a slut that’s dating a Dr. Littlejohn – please tell her that he’s still married in addition to being a lying, narcissistic piece of shit (which, sorry, is something I’ve known since the rehearsal dinner).  Tell the whorebucket that he’s been lying to his wife about her.  She should be ashamed of herself, but probably deserves everything she gets.  Did you know that, in NC, you can sue the person your spouse cheated with?  Fascinating…