Its been about 5 years since my last important relationship, and possibly a little longer since I’ve been completely addled with the butterflies. Since then, I’ve gone on multitudes of dates that ranged from great to disappointing to downright creepy. I had begun to think that maybe I had gotten too old to feel butterflies again; that maybe I was dead inside and doomed to spending the rest of my life in dating purgatory.
(Actually, my mother tells me that the Vatican recently announced that there is no purgatory. Nice of them to take 2 thousand years to make that determination. So, I suppose I really would have been relegated to dating hell. Which wasn’t so far off the mark…)
Thankfully, a drunken cocktail party in Leeds reminded me that we all die alone. No matter what. The copious amounts of bison grass vodka, pineau de charentes, and champagne-cognac cocktails made this little coally bit of truth shine ever so brightly. For some reason that made me feel a helluva lot better and I discovered a sort of zen where dating was concerned. Yes, yes; it sounds entirely counterintuitive. But, by accepting that sad knowledge I am far more focused on enjoying every minute of every day and on squeezing the most happiness out of every freaking second. Its a relief, really!
I think I faced a fear there (you Dune fans – all none of you – will totally get the Litany reference and you will revere me; I would have been a kick ass Bene Gesserit) and I think it (the resulting zen) may be why I was so ready to plunge headlong into romance this past weekend. And this week. And this upcoming weekend. I have gone blissfully insane and, it seems, so has he. I don’t care. I’m not analyzing it or him. I’m not worrying about it today or tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. I’m just going to ride the wave and see where it takes me/us. The dating profiles are all off/hidden and my colleagues are suddenly finding me much more relaxed and fun.
Except, I hope karma realizes how much he owes me. Seriously. At this point karma really ought to be my bitch. Bitch betta have my money! Just kidding karma. Love your work, babe!