Category Archives: anxiety

i don’t need your stinkin’ timeline

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What a crapfest of a day. A completely defeating Monday where I spent 10 minutes updating my resume out of spite. Then I came home to Teh Fluffitude and made a yummy but fattening dinner, took a bath, and then had the most lengthy and perfect cuddle with the pup ever. A glimpse of the awesome dog she will be? I hope. It really helps on the meh days.

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Filed under anxiety, health, my precious

snow affective disorder

For the past 5 years (or so), the months of January and February have been really hard on me.  It got easier once my thyroid problem was diagnosed and they put me on synthroid, and this year has been easier than past years.  However, the snow is killing me.  DC is mired in tall mounds of dirty snow and ice.  Roads are not back to normal – we’re still missing having more than one traffic lane in most neighborhoods.  People (including me) are getting nasty over shoveled parking spots.  After spending a couple days digging out, TRUST ME, you’re going to want to key that asshole who snags your spot and then sits in it for the next three days.  On top of all that, I’ve had sinusitis since October – not being completely well is not helping.  I see the ENT again on Wednesday to go over last week’s CT scan to figure out what to do next. I have a partially deviated septum and a concha bullosa.  Whatever that means.  I don’t care what they have to do to make it better at this point.

I was smart and bought a ticket to go see the fam in Miami a few weeks back.  I leave on Thursday night and return on Monday.  Its a short trip, but hopefully will help boost vitamin D and mental health back into better ranges.  The fam is all, “I hope it is warmer when you get here.”  Um, 60 degrees F IS warm compared the DC frozen tundra.  I’m bringing sandals regardless.  Teh Smitten is staying home and will probably spend it watching awful horror movies and playing video games in utter filth.  Good for him.  You gotta do what you gotta do to stay sane.

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facebook statuses

Now that I’ve friended my nephew on FB, I find myself a bit constrained.  There are so many FB statuses that I could have posted but couldn’t because I’m an adult.  Its a pisser, yo.

Tonight, Teh Smitten – after having been locked in the house with me except for a short excursion yesterday or to shovel – gets this devlish look on his face tonight, pulls up his t-shirt, licks his finger, and dips it lasciviously in his belly button.  Thus, “belly buttons are the new nipples”.  Now wouldn’t that have been an awesome FB status? Except I can’t say ‘nipples’ knowing that my 10 year old nephew may see it while he is hanging out in Petville or Fishville.  Not to mention an elderly relative and numerous self-righteous family members/sorority sisters.  And people from work.  Gah.  People are RUINING facebook.

I’m thinking it might be time to renew the blogging.  I’ve spent the last few days in pj’s like some filthy blogger and I think I kind of miss it.  Nobody reads it anyway; at least nobody that I don’t care about offending.

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geeky crap is highly diverting even under the most trying circumstances

I’ve reached an all new geek high – now I like Dr. Who.  Teh Smitten has introduced me to the Christopher Eccleston version with Billie Piper.  Its quite charming and I’m totally into it.  He’s also gotten me into The Prisoner – the old 60’s series.  Ah, the wonder of Netflix.  Well, the wonder of the BBC.  The diversion was needed particularly this evening.  My aunt underwent open heart surgery today after a several hour delay.  Then, they had a really hard time getting her off the heart and lung machine – it is very difficult to get diabetes patients off the heart and lung machines and you have to remove those machines before you can close a person up.

It was a rough evening.  First, I got a call from my sister to tell me they were preparing the family for the worst.  That sent me to the bathroom for a wee sob session and surely caused Teh Smitten a fair bit of worry.  Being so far away and independent is difficult at times – I feel so guilty and helpless and impotent.  Also, pissed about the cost of airfare and feeling great regret for not having made the time to visit with my aunt during previous visits home.  And even though I’ve known that her health has been especially precarious for the past week, it took that call for me to finally realize that we may really lose her.  I sat back down next to His Cuteness after a good nose-blowing and told him to put Dr. Who on – and found it most helpful.  A second call came in about an hour later (can’t remember the last time it was so hard to pick up the phone) – this time to relay that they’d finally gotten her off the machine and she would be transferred to the ICU.  The next few days will be critical.  Please, please, please let her make it.

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Filed under anxiety, geekdom